30 Days of Praise: Day 26 - Epiphany

From dictionary.com:

e·piph·a·ny
Pronunciation[i-pif-uh-nee] –noun, plural -nies.
1. (initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day.
2. an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity.
3. a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
4. a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.

Using each of the definitions.. I want to explain my praise today.
1. Epiphany has always been one of my favorite holidays. In high school my "boyfriend" (using that very loosely) and I spent time with our families over Christmas, so we decided that we would celebrate Epiphany together instead of trying to find time over the already busy holiday. This was fun. We liked that this holiday was both Biblical and not popular.
2. There have been times in my life where God has clearly spoken to me. I praise him for these moments, the clarity and direction they have given. My baptism was an epiphany. God showed up and blessed it. I can look back to that moment and see God was there and at work in my life.
3... I'll come back to.
4. I hope this post will be an epiphany for you and later in time for me as I read back to it.

Back to 3. This is the originally reason I thought of this tonight. This was the definition that made me choose this word. Tonight as I during the singles small group leadership cookout I had a tough moment. Rick Z asked us to think back to the last 6 months and how we saw God moving in our lives during that time. At the time, I couldn't think of anything to share, so I listened. But on the drive home I really began to think about that question again. I know that God has used my last 6 months. I knew there had to be some story, something I could grab onto. Then I remembered... it was a little over 6 months ago that my roommates decided to move out of our apartments and make radical changes in their lives. At the time I was a ball of emotions. I am even tearing up just thinking of it again. After Marti left and Janine moved out... I grew numb. I started not to care. I had little cares here and there, but overall... I was indifferent. A lot of people did not notice b/c I am a pretty easy going person anyway... but some have. Though they may not have put it as bluntly as I am putting it now.

I am reading a series of books and in the second one the girl was greatly hurt. She then spends the next 5 months as an emotionally zombie. She is going through the motions, but she feels hollow inside. I could relate (in a way).

Tonight I had a moment where I just snapped out of it and cared. It was brief and in the dark no one noticed. I started to think about decisions I am making out of my numbness that when I snap out of it will seem overwhelming. Another moment I had recently was a lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. She let me talk most of lunch and I felt like a broken record. Not that she had heard what I was saying before, but I felt like I was repeating the same sentiments I had told so many others. I think they were truly what I felt the first time I shared them, but now they were empty. After lunch I pondered on why my default these days is "serious". I don't think I have always been such a serious person.

I am glad for tonight. Glad to have this epiphany and hope it will start me down a road of truly becoming who I want to be, who I have been made to be, and who I am suppose to be. Sorry to be so cryptic in this. That is just how my mind works I guess.