I read an article about 6 months ago that Clayton wrote on transitions in the single life. At the end he mentioned the "9s" as transitions points. How it is tough for singles as they approach the decades. The article is here.
After reading this I was bound and determined not to fall into this trap. I think I did a good job for most of my 29th year. But now that my birthday is a little over two months away... I am a basket-case. We have been doing so much goal setting at work, then having to think about renewing our lease and where I will be in a year, that it is hard not to think about where I want to be and how far I seem from it.
We are setting goals up to 2010... and to be honest, it pains me to think in 2010 I will be still single and living in the smallest room in an apartment barely making it financially. I don't know why that bothers me so much though, I have a great life and love where I am and what I am doing.
I just have had an overwhelming feeling that I want to be "in love". I want a man to love me, commit to me, choose me (ok... that was little Grey's Anatomy there). I know it will no solve all my problems. I know I may have too much fantasy and not enough reality in that dream.
I have just seen all my life amazing men who deeply and wholehearted love God, then their wife. It seems cruel to stay on the sidelines... and not get to experience or give that kind of love. I trust God... I do. But that doesn't make it easy. It just means the person I complain the most to about it is God :) The person I seek comfort about this from is God.
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3 comments:
i love you tina!!!
Wow, Tina. So much going on in these last 2 posts. How does one respond? Or do we just listen...just read...wait to find out alongside you what lies ahead? I know I'm anxious to see what God has in store for someone as wonderful as you.
I do know that I have always believed you would make a great woman for a very special man. You've got a great heart and a lot of talent inside you.
It's true. You do live in the smallest room in an apartment...where you live with 2 women who truly love you. It's true that you might be barely making it financially but you work for an awesome ministry at one of the finest churches in America.
Friend, why do you only see the frayed edges of the glorious robe? Look up!
These frayed pieces of your life are attached to something much greater. And each one of them brings you closer to what your heart desires. Tough as it might have seemed, your 29th year was spent doing a lot of growing up.
Praise God because the woman that is coming out on the other side of 29 is a deeper person, more wise and certainly even more beautiful.
I'm turning the corner this year into my thirties and it doesn't look good. I'm struggling greatly with my singleness and a mounting sense of I-am-going-to-be-alone-forever. My friends don't understand and who could blame them? Sometimes even I think I'm over thinking things. But I'm lonely. and I feel rejected of men. I feel like I made many wrong choices in the past that I am now paying for. and because I believe in God, I'm struggling with th fact that I'm struggling! Really, I have nothing more to say except that it's something I can only deal with moment by moment.
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