Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Singlehood: Looking through the Glass

I have this spot that I go to and eat lunch. While I was unemployeed I would go there and sit and journal and read. It is a beautiful park that was across from my old house. I have had spots like these in Madison, Columbia, and Orlando as well. I love finding these places that make me feel close to God and think about my life.

My Foothill Ranch spot has a beautiful view of Saddleback Mountain, the valley, and the park. In the park closest to the parking lot is a playground. I sit in my car with windows down eating and watching the surroundings. Today it hit me. I am a kid in a shop looking through the glass at what I want with no money to buy it. Like a child, I sit there pouting. In my car, I look at kids playing on the play ground with their mother and the beautiful houses with spectacular views. In my heart that is what I want. I want a family, to be able to play with my kids and not worry about work, and have a home. I pray to God, "gimme, gimme, I want it!"

Wow... how childish I am sometimes. I know that God is looking out for me. I know that no matter how much I want it, if I am not ready to take care of it, I will not cherish what I am given. Sometimes I wish I were a spoiled Christian (and sometimes I think I am). I want to be a Daddy's girl... and I am!! But even the most spoiled Daddy's girls, if the Dad really cares, knows that there is a time and place for certain things. I do trust that God's plans are best. I just still find myself looking through the glass sometimes and wishing and wanting it NOW. The good parent knows that it is best when undeserved and the child is ready to look after and cherish it (like I know... I have been a parent so long! Just makes sense to me).

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