Singlehood: In the Trenches Ministry

You know I always admired those people who left it all and went to live in the trenches with those in need. Those who left comfort and went into the depths of battle with others to experience what they experience, live how they live, and better understand the struggle. I never thought I could do it.

But I am... I am head deep in a battle with ton of people around me. They are hurting. They are fighting the best they can. I am fighting along side of them. What battle are we fighting? Singleness.

Ok, some of the analogy may be off, but the overall concept is not. I work in singles ministry. I hear person after person struggling with the fact that they are single. I point them to God to give them value, to give them love, to give them purpose. I try to connect them into a community filled with fellowship, discipleship, worship, ministry, and mission. Though even when connected, it does not change the fact that we are in the trench.

This world is a battle field full of trenches... the married trench, the teenage trench, the elderly trench... each with it's own battle. Singles are not unique in the desire to be loved. They are not unique in wishing for comfort and security. But... it is part of the battle on the single trench.

Even though I point people to God and I have a relationship with God that comforts me... I get hit by what I am going to call "the funk". You know it's those times when you focus more on what you don't have than what you do. If it is a desire such as you always wish you had a husband and family, when in "the funk" it seems like every husband and child is around just to rub it in your face that you don't have one. When in "the funk" you seem fat, disgusting, and feel like no one including yourself would want to be around you.

"The funk" is easily triggered and is an emotional death trap. Visiting your family or hearing "are you married?" or "why aren't you married yet?" or "have you been on any good dates lately?" or just seeing adorable children are all "the funk" triggers. Unfortunately other singles in "the funk" are "the funk" triggers as well. This weekend we had an event for single women and had them list their biggest frustration with being single. Most women put lonliness or not having a boyfriend/spouse as their answer. Reading answer after answer made me reflect on me... and yep... "the funk" time. Pain puts me in "the funk". Knowing I do not have anyone to take care of me and have to do it all on my own.

Tonight I did a de-"the funk"ing excerise (both literally and spiritually). I went on a walk. It was about a two mile walk and the first half is up a hill (I say little mountain). As I was walking up I let my self, fears, emotions, frustrations, tears soar. With each step I thought of the lies I tell myself like "the only reason I don't have a boyfriend is because... [step] I'm fat, [step] I don't flirt, [step] I don't put myself out there, [step] I'm too "perfect", and on and on. When I ran out of steps for that fear I moved on. "What if I never get married?", "What if I never have children?", "Will I ever make enough money to live on?", "Should I move back to where I grew up? Are men more open to me there?"... etc.

As you can imagine... I was carring not only my body weight up that hill, but my emotional and even spiritual baggage. I knew it was God I was asking these questions to... not myself. Then I kept telling myself... God is waiting for me at the top. At the top of this hill I vow to feel peace, joy, and grateful. So I start focusing more on the top and what I wanted to find there. The walk up got less and less weighty. It was still a hard walk. My calves sore and body running out of breath, but the other stuff was slowly sheding.

When I got to the top... it felt like the battle was long over. As soon as I started to focus on the top... it was like the other stuff melted away. So what do I think about for the rest of the walk??

God put a song in my heart and head. It was no praise and worship song, but "Climb Every Mountain". How funny!!!

"Climb every mountain, search high and low
Follow every by way, every path you know
Climb every mountain, ford every stream
Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream
A dream that will need, all the love you can give
Everyday of your life, for as long as you live
Climb every mountain, ford every stream
Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream
A dream that will need, all the love you can give
Everyday of your life, for as long as you live
Climb every mountain, ford every stream
Follow every rainbow, till you find your... dream..."

Isn't God funny!!! What a contrast those two moments could be! Let's just say my downhill experience was much easier and more enjoyable. This is where I realized I am in the trenches. I am doing what I admired from others who did ministry in the trenches. I hope to continue to encourage people to climb every mountain and follow every rainbow until they find their dreams! Not from the place of one whose dreams have come true, but as one who is also dreaming. God knows the desires of our hearts.

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4