This post will be a little more personal than my normal ones. I am just going to put here what I wrote in my journal today. I think it is important to show my struggles... I put on a really good front, but I am human and have pains that are a part of my testimony too. No matter how "together" my life may look.
11/28/06 - My bedroom, Orange County, CA
This morning during staff meeting as people were praying for their families, their wives and children, I was overcome with sadness. I was just sitting there sobbing. It was a final straw on so many of the fears, doubts, hurts, and pain I have felt recently. I told someone later when they asked why I cried that "I want a husband and kids to pray for". I was so touched and moved by these men and their love, care, and respect for their family. It is so beautiful! I want a man to love me like that.
It also hit me this morning that I am in ministry. I knew that in my head before, but not in my heart. That is probably why I have felt this disconnect with my job ever since I started. I was wanting to compare it with my old life instead of building my new one. Today was a good day... a turning point for me. You know I woke up praying today. I need to that more!