Yesterday was such a good day... I should have known today would be terrible. All the thoughts and emotions running through me are overwhelming! Proficient and it's troubles are still haunting me. Then today I got choosen to be on jury duty and will miss (unless the trial gets cut short) my family's vacation to Disney World next month. I cannot even fathom thinking of my nieces and family at Disney without me. But that is most likely a very grave reality here soon. I just see images of them there without me my in my head... and it is so sad. I live so much of their lives through pictures, I am not sure I can do this experience through pictures too. But... I might have to... and that is reality. I have to be a grown up and face the facts.
The only comfort I have... is I know God wanted me on this jury. A couple of years ago I had a dream that I was looking out a high window over a city and made the comment, "Atleast I can just check the traffic and know which way to go home." That moment happened today. I felt myself mid-comment reliving this moment that I had dreamt about so long ago. I had never seen this room or this view before today, except in that dream. I know there are issues in this trial that God wants to open my eyes to. They have already been opened. I praise God for putting me in this jury and letting me serve Him and our government. My pain is that it is at the expense of memmories with my family.
Of course things could be much worse. The Proficient thing is just money. The jury thing is just a delay to my new career and family time. But of course I am praying for a short trial and that I will get to do both, serve my country and see my family. I will not talk about the trial anymore. Maybe when it is done I will talk about the experience of being a juror, but I cannot give details of the trial or anything. So don't ask!!